Captains log Covid Date 24.21

Today I went out into the world.. Acquiesced to pay at the pump for needed fuel. As a front line worker I still need to get to and from work. The roads seem to be getting quieter and quieter as the days go by.
It is increasingly more and more difficult to do the quick in and out shopping I normally do. Line ups suck. I keep thinking to myself I spend more time standing in line than I ever did before. The Line ups at Walmart are stupid long, Moncions is a joke of overcrowding. Giant Tiger was reasonable for being downtown. It was crowd free and no horrific line ups to get in or at the cash.
So far my biggest issue with the whole situation is the inconvenience for safety sakes. Other than that life has been the same for this night owl. But then there is my one vice cigarettes and having to pay full price… ouch….
I have been keeping myself occupied with horticulture…. a new hobby, for a product I do not even consume, but it is consuming time, through research and developement.

When a tree falls.

Depression:

Is like when a tree falls in the forest and there is no one there to hear the sound of it hitting the ground, or the snapping of the branches as it falls.

Stiffling a scream because you feel there is no one there to listen so what is the point.

to Paraphrase a song by Missing Persons, the song title is “Words”

Do you hear me
Do you care
Do you hear me
Do you care
My lips are moving and the sound’s coming out
The words are audible but I have my doubts
That you realize what has been said
You look at me as if you’re in a daze
It’s like the feeling at the end of the page
When you realize you don’t know what you just read
What are words for when no one listens anymore
What are words for when no one listens
What are words for when no one listens it’s no use talkin at all
I might as well go up and talk to a wall
’cause all the words are having no effect at all
It’s a funny thing am I all alone
Something has to happen to change the direction
What little filters through is giving you the wrong impression
It’s a sorry state I say to myself
What are words for when no one listens anymore
Do you hear me
Do you care
Let me get by
Over your dead body
Hope to see you soon
When will I know
Doors three feet wide with no locks open
Walking always backwards in the faces of strangers
Time could be my friend
But it’s less than nowhere now
Less than nowhere now
Less than nowhere now
Now
Pursue it further and another thing you’ll find
Not only are they deaf and dumb they could be going blind and no one notices
I think I’ll dye my hair blue
Media overload bombarding you with action
It’s getting near impossible to cause distraction
Someone answer me before I pull out the plug
What are words for when no one listens anymore
What are words for when no one listens
What are words for when no one listens it’s no use talkin at all
Do you hear me
Do you care

Just about me.

Panic attacks are wonderful things. Well not really but they happen.

That feeling of impending doom, you are about to die, heart racing about a millions miles a minute and breath that you just cant seem to catch as this is happening the world seems to get a lot brighter and you just can’t get your balance because your body seems to have forgotten which way is up.

Has this happened to you? if not thank your lucky stars. It is a very unsettling feeling. For me the famous words from Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy pop into my head “Don’t Panic” stop what you are doing, breath, ground your self and for goodness sake if you are driving or operating power tools STOP!!

I do not get panic attacks often but lately they seem to be more frequent. To me they stem from a fight or flight response. Something you have encountered or are about to encounter has triggered an auto-response in your brain that is telling you you need to stop what you are doing and RUN, turn around go the opposite direction, or I will shut your ass down.

StoneHeart

2 years and a bit ago I attended a harvest festival at Stoneheart, located in Coe hill. The hosts were Claudia Valdes and James Ljósviðr Hobson.

Situated on 42 acres of land Stoneheart is beautiful, Pristine forested land. Camping spots are were you can find a cleared area big enough to fit your tent. That is not to say the land has not been tamed to some degree, but it is not a manicured camp ground. And I like that about it.

The road leading in past the house is somewhat rough, from what I can tell it is an access road to get to the lower part of the property that was used to bring firewood out by the previous owner. You can drive down it but you will want a vehicle with decent ground clearance, tires and it is advised to drive slowly. Along the road there a several clearings that are reasonably level for setting up tents. The road slopes downward as you get further into the property and ends near two large clearings on the right hand side is the firepit area, on the left a clearing large enough to put in several tents.

I had the opportunity to fire keep at the event I attended and do some drumming as well with the talented Raven Black and her S/O Shawn Lint. I met Raven at Magik Morn while attending Ancestorfest. I love Ravens music she has that Janis Joplin/Grace Slick kind of sound.

Sadly I have not been able to return for another Harvest festival here due to other commitments, but that has changed so I definitely plan on going back. And I plan to keep better notes as this was pre blogging and I am running off memory to write this.

Magik Morn

Several years ago I attended my first Ancestorfest AKA Danafest AKA Wolfsong Gathering II. It was my second fest experience outside of things happening at Ravens Knoll. This gathering happens at Kim Morgans property near Lindsey Ontario. I had no clue what to expect other than the information I had on the property, and the knowledge that friends made at Ravens Knoll would be in attendance.

My first Ancestorfest I arrived earlyish. Early enough that I had day light to set up my tent, locate friends and to be greeted by the horses that were still in the field. I so yearned to hop on one and ride bare back through the grounds but decided against that. I did not have a chance yet to get food, other than the munchies I acquired on the way there. I felt like a newb…. only a tent and a flashlight, no chair, no stove, cooking implements. Thankfully the next morning friends offered coffee. It was a different experience all together, rough camping, no running water for where camping occured, what you brought in you brought back out. I had this! as a teen I had much experience with rough camping thanks to Scouts. Bathing in a Pond did not bother me in the least, and at least there were porta potties. Nicely decorated ones at that.
After getting my tent set up it was dark, the fire was lit, out came the drums (YAY I did bring mine) and the dancers, as it was known I was a fire tender at the Knoll I was given the opportunity over the course of the week-end to spell off the regular fire tenders when they needed a break. I felt at home here. I felt the freedom to just sit and enjoy the week end.

Saturday morning I slipped off to get food and provisions, explore the area abit, and be absolutely fascinated by the Buddhist temple that was being built nearby. In the afternoon explored the land enough to find the pond and take a swim. That brought back memories of the farm I grew up on and going for a swim in the creek. I finally registered for the event … it was much more relaxed than the knoll… some one was not at your site the minute you arrived to register you. But it was a small gathering, and I understand why it is more relaxed.

Saturday night another fire, this time with a ritual, the ritual was awesome, then drumming, dancing it was a late night I saw the sun come up. Thankfully I grabbed a quick nap that afternoon. It was great being able to mingle with people and get to know them. Sunday progessed, I was up mid to late afternoon I had to pack and go home…. I was somewhat sad to have to do this but I felt at home enough here that I definitely mad up my mind I would be returning the following year. And I have been back every year since.

The Origins of Fire – An Apache Legend

Long, long ago, animals and trees talked with each other, but there was no fire at that time. Fox was the most clever and he thought of a way to create fire for the world.

One day, he decided to vistit the Geese, te-tl, whose cry he wished to learn how to imitate. The promised to teach him if he would fly with them. So they contrived a way to attach wings to fox, but waned him to never open his eys while flying.

When the Geese arose in flight, fox to flew with them so he may practice their cry. On one such adventure, darkness fell suddenly as they flew over the village of the fireflies, ko-na-tcic-a. The glare of the flickering light from the village caused Fox to forget his warning and he opened his eyes – instantly his wings gave out and he fell unable to regain control. He landed within the walls of the village, it so happened a fire constantly burned in its center.

Two fireflies approached fallen Fox, who gave each one a necklace of juniper berries, katl-te-i-tse.

Fox pursuaded the two fireflies to tell him how he could get over the wall to the outside. They led him to a cedar tree, which they explained to him would bend down upon command and catapult him over the wall if he so desired.

That evening, Fox found the spring from which the fireflies drew their water. There also, he discovered coloured Earth, which when mixed with the spring water made paint. He decided to give himself a coat of white. Upon returning to the village, Fox suggested to the fireflies to have a festival where they could dance to music made by himself.

They agreed this would be fine and fun. They gathered wood to build up a great fire. In secret Fox tied a piece of cedar bark to his tail. Afterwards he made a drum, probably the first one ever made. He beat it vigourously with a stick for the dancing fireflies. Gradually as the night progressed he moved closer and closer to the fire.

Fox pretended to tire from playing the drum. He gave it to some fireflies who wanted to help make music. At that moment he quickly thrust his tail into the fire, Lighting the bark, and exclaimed, “it is too warm here for me, I must find a cooler place.”

Fox ran straight to the cedar tree, calling, “Bend down to me, my cedar tree, bend down!”

Down bent the cedar, then up it carried him launching him far over the wall. On and on he ran, the fireflies in pursuit.

As he ran brush and wood on either side of him were ignited by the embers dropping from the bark tied to his tail.

After a great distance Fox tired and gave the burning bark to Hawk, i-tsari-tsu-i, who carried it to brown crane, tsi-nes-tso-l. He flew far southward, sparks flying everywhere. This is how fire spread across the Earth.

Fireflies still pursued Fox. They followed him all the way back to his burrow and declared, “For ever after, Wily-Fox, your punishment for stealing our fire will be that you can never make uses of it yourself.”

For the Apache nation, this too was the beginning of fire for them. Soon they learned to use it for cooking and for keeping themselves warm in cold weather.

Drum Fact Number 1

Drums are not just a Mans tool.

The histories of the Egyptian, , Semetic, Sumerian and the Wahinda peoples tell us differently. Egyptian Girls attended various Gods whilst they were using these instruments. Women of the Semetic tribes almost exclusively used drums for singing and dancing at moon rituals. In Summeria there is an account of the Royal Granddaughter drumming in the Temple of the Moon in 2280 B.C.E.   Lastly The Wahinda men of East Africa for them it is considered a death wish to even look at a drum.  So much so they will only carry it at night, more preferably during the darkest of nights where no moon is present in the sky, so it may not be seen. 

20/08/18 Recollections

written Sept 7, 2018 and I cannot write anymore… and due to muddled brain SEQUENCE MAY NOT BE EXACT.

“Ok so you think I am fine. Caution for what you are about to read.

Almost three weeks ago, was it really that long?, I walk up to the house to find Brendan bolting out the front door. Him clearing the deck in what seemed to be two steps and quickly telling me to follow him speaking in a manner I have never seen him do before. I follow puzzled, all I could really make out of what he said was “Gypsy, car, now!!!!” I follow by the end of the driveway he tells me what is happening, hands me his phone and I dial 911.

Whilst giving information to them I could not believe how little “accurate” knowledge I had. Like your street address, the proper spelling of your legal name, your age. How stupid is that my friend? I knew you as long as most at the Knoll. I was one of two of the first people to meet you on this land. How can I not have known this? I helped you move into that house!

While on the phone with 911 I gave what information I could, they said they had the information they needed and were on the phone with MA as well. They advised us police were on the way, gave instruction on what not to do, asked for a number to reachg us back at if need be as it did not come up properly and I forgot I was not on my phone and gave my number not Brendans by mistake. Again how stupid was that!

We get to the house, truck is not visible…. rush to the door of the house.. it is locked. Brendan looks at me and says “Break down the door” I put my shoulder into it and hit it once … does not budge, a second time, it groaned third time success. I run through the house calling your name, flipping on lights and checking rooms. You are no where to be seen. I run outside and exlaim to Brendan “I can’t find him” as Brendan comes around from the back of the house indicating the truck is behind it.

At that moment one, then two and then a third cruiser shows up. AN officer comes up to us asking if we know where you are, Brendan points to the back of the house stating in the truck behind the house. We are instructed to stay where we are. They proceed to the back of the house.

I hear a clank on glass followed by a second, then glass shattering, then glass shattering twice more, a moment or two passes. An officer runs back to car and grabs medical pack and proceeds back to the truck. Another officer runs back to his cruiser and brings it to the back yard.

The first responder paramedic shows up, followed by the ambulance.
Over what seemed like 30 minutes the officers come by and ask questions, any known allergies, medications, medical conditions etc etc. They have not left yet. I look at Brendan. The realist in me kicks in I think I said something to the effect of “he is gone”. Brendan looked at me, replied “no if they have not left yet that is a good thing!” More time passes.

An officer walks by talking on his radio I hear “alright we need to notify next of kin” He looks over at us, I suppose we both had that question burned on our faces. He shakes his head. I recall looking at Brendan at that moment. Both our knees buckled a little.

Somewhere in all of this after knowing details through question and answers I walk into the kitchen of the house and see things on the counter that I paid no attention to earlier when I was there. Now my eyes cannot unsee them, my mind has conjured up images through the knowing and it will not forget.

AS we waited for the coroner to show up two of the three cruisers left to go speak with Juni. We chatted with the officer left on scene, the truck still illuminated, your body laying next to it. Another image burned into my brain that I will never unsee.”